Young, Single, & Burnt Out
Over the years I have read articles talking about work/life balance mostly describing the balance of work, husband or wife, and children, so I thought it never really applied to me as I don’t fit into that box.
I’ve thought, I’m from a generation that doesn’t work like that and doesn’t follow the trend of overworking. We have much more care about friends, family, community, travel, and so much more. The travel part has always been especially important to me, which led me to working in Tokyo, Japan. As most Japanese companies go, there are subliminal pressures to work long, hard hours.
After arriving, I began hearing stories of people overworking, sleeping at their desks and, in some cases, suicide which leads to the government not allowing “too much” overtime. It’s being regulated through timesheets/cards. The majority of companies in Japan require you to clock in and out each day.
The longer I lived in Japan, the more of a “workaholic” I have become. I really do not like calling it workaholic because I have loved what I do, but at some point investing time with friends went out the window. In the past year, my management has become troubled by HR due to my overtime, but no one informed me of these issues.
To date, no one gave recognition that I was doing the job of a full team but all on my own. There were many days where I would only sleep for a few hours at a time and work the rest of the time. It was easy for my colleagues to say, ”Need to leave the office to get my kids”.
Working in a global team member, you have people contacting you every hour of the day. I never felt that I had a valid excuse to put down work and “leave the office”.
On the other hand, almost without fail, I refused to miss a workout. The gym has always been my place of peace. It often checked the box for me as to having work/life balance. As long as I continued to go to the gym I had balance, right? Under these conditions, it may have been better for me to not go at all because I was not only putting stress on my body from working so much, but I was also putting physical stress on my body from working out.
Around that most of this was going on, in the office, people were talking about “mental leave”. Feeling that I had worked harder and longer hours than my colleagues, I started to question why I wasn’t burning out. Attributing it to how mentally stubborn I am, I shrugged off some of the feelings.
When projects started slowing down and I wasn’t working to the bone, I rapidly became sad and quite depressed. Spending more time in bed than I ever had before. It wasn’t until I started to look into “burnout”, I learned that there are many different components to symptoms.
Burnout involves the full array of depressive symptoms, including, but not limited to, exhaustion, physical fatigue, cognitive weariness, and disengagement. This is the specific article I read. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201311/the-tell-tale-signs-burnout-do-you-have-them
The more I read, the more I realized, I’m burnt out. And it’s going to be OK.
Based on my experience, here are some insights that go against common practice:
Right Kind of Fitness
Fitness is can be addictive for some and torture for others. Above all else, it’s best to find what you enjoy. When stressed, stretching out or yoga can be better for your body rather than putting more stress on it through running or lifting weights. Hiking is my way to escape while still being active. Being in nature is very healing.
Keep Busy with Diversity
Being told to do less isn’t really in my vocabulary, it’s also pretty annoying for people to tell you to do less. What i have learned is that if you intend to always be busy, make sure there is diversity in what you do. It’s the constant wear and tear of one thing that drags you down, so do as much as you feel comfortable with, but make sure the busy is diverse. My personal example is any combination of work, volunteer or community service, friends, sports, learning something new, etc.
Waste Time Frequently
You’ve probably heard the saying “time well wasted is not wasted time”. I completely believe this to be true. Many days I’ll decide to take the long way home just to get out of my comfort zone and mix things up. Don’t always feel like you have to be on point and working towards perfect. The days you can laugh at yourself for stumbling around and trying something new that can’t be applied to anything are some of the best days to have. At one point, I took an Ikebana class (Japanese flower arranging). Will this ever be useful in my daily life? No. But, it was interesting and taught me to think about flowers in a different way.
When in Doubt, Unplug
Meditation can suck in the beginning because your mind may continue to wonder, which is exactly why it’s important. Learned what you do and do not like is the best first step. My personal preference is for a deep, commanding male voice with soft water in the background. Sometimes I turn on a video and watch waves in order to direct my focus. I’ve been working on meditating for months now and still haven’t gotten it down. What I do see is an improvement in my mood after I have given myself an adult timeout.
Working in an environment that supports a strong work/life balance no matter who you are is very important. Even more important is remembering that you are not wonder woman, or superman.
“Sometimes you don’t realize your own strengths until you come face to face with your greatest weakness.” - Susan Gale
